TOO GOOD TO BE CAUGHT – All through my teenage years, even now at my twenties faking a boyfriend was a survival skill,Aunty dudu, one of the old ladies at our former compound, recently offered me her nephew during her daughter’s traditional wedding,because she saw how I helped serve, So she stopped me at the balcony on her way to the backyard “Honey, you would just love Tunji!” she chirped as I tried to show her the remaining meat in my care . “Can I give him your number? He’s a doctor, a pediatrician. but he has one tiny problem, Girls today are too picky, In my days, if you were in your twenties and unmarried, you were as good as dead.
Just because I was being nice serving and behaving like fifty yards wife material, doesn’t mean I’m ready to get married, oh besides I’m still very young.”
Out came the imaginary boyfriend. “Oh, he sounds so nice, Aunt…but I just started dating someone. Emeka.”It’s not just around other people, I have to admit. I use the emergency boyfriend as well, let’s say as a coping mechanism too.
It’s been exactly two weeks since I met that stammerer guy, by now basirat and Kemi,coupled with my imaginary cousin, already knew about him,i also told them how my cousin laughed hard and called me wicked, you should all know by now that i lied lol!.
Exams is fast approaching and kemi,hasn’t really had my time,which I really didn’t care because I had basirat,we’ve been raiding clubs down with our sexy outfit and fleeking eyebrows, it was yet another friday and I woke up on the good side of my bunk for I new I would definitely meet another fine and hot guy, so I tapped basirat, she didn’t wake up, screaming into her ears “wake up! ”she didn’t answer me,but turned to the other side, I then looked around to see my other roommate’s dead sleeping, “Its 7’0clock for God sake!!!” I screamed out, one of my efiko roommate replied on top of her voice “it’s like u don’t know people in this room go for night class abi!”, smiling “yen yenyen,sharrap and sleep for I do not care” I picked up my towel and went into the bathroom.
Basirat woke up 20 minutes later, and started with her daily routine of YouTube makeup tutorials, by now I had just finished having my bath and was drying my self with a towel “what are we eating?” I asked her, picking up my body cream, gently patting it on my skin “aunty are u deaf?” I yelled,”huh?”basirat responded “sorry,I was lost in this video” closing my cream” so what are we eating?” seating on a stool-wearing my pant, “let’s eat amala and ewedu” she responded,I immediately waved my hands “this morning madam,you can’t even eat fit” I laughed “let’s do indomie and fried egg joorh!” she nodded her head in support, I quickly wore my red gown, collected money from her and left the room.
I left the hostel without applying makeup,I knew I was pretty so I didn’t feel insecure like basirat,but I was cautious because anytime i passed any car I always looked,I was with my useless Samsung phone so I plucked in my ear phones listening to Tori lanez “say it”, did I mention my dare love for tori?, he was my favorite artiste, I continued singing,I had the voice though”lol”,now my volumes were on the highest, I was using an iPhone earphone so you know how loud it was,remember I said i was saving for an iPhone,this was one of my many ways of preparing my self for the real package.
“You just have to do more than just say it!” singing out loud,Honk! Honk! My back was practically on the bonnet of a car that was trying to park, Honk! Honk! I quickly ran out of the way “what the fuck!” I yelled ” are you blind!” it was a black tinted Benz, so I didn’t know if it was a male or female driving “why are people like this”! I tried crying, because that bitchy part of me that orchestrates my drama immediately told me it was a male and I should act up “dude, you almost killed me!” I yelled, trying dust my leg, the driver door opens and a young lady came out,I immediately ran a scan on her from head to toe,she was a tall lady about 6ft, wearing a very expensive wig with frontal, a short pink gown with black puma fenty slippers, her nails were neatly done and fixed,she wore heavy makeup,her highlighter was glowing and blinding my eyes, thanks to the morning Sun, she wore a gold wristwatch, and plenty rings on her fingers so i couldn’t tell if she was married.
“I am so sorry,I tried honing” with an Americana accent she walked towards me putting her hands together “please, I hope you not hurt” she continued, she smelt like jadorè cologne, sniffing in disappointment“I’m fine,please use your horn better next time” I hissed and tried walking away,“where are you going to, let me drop you off” she replied, I stopped and looked back “thank you,I dey alright!” I then turned to leave, Honk! Honk!, “can we go now!” a masculine voice yelled from the front passenger seat, I quickly turned back, to see her still standing and I immediately thought of my distance to the canteen which was really far,”alright you can,I am going to a canteen down the road” so I followed her and entered the back seat.